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Rage Against

How to Deal With Rage

'Road rage', 'inconvenience rage', 'racial rage', 'patriotic rage', 'religious rage' and numeorus other rages surround us. The results of many different annoying, or threatening, incidents. Rage that has the stamp of murder on it.

The driver of a car was killed, when a shot was fired through his rear window, while he was having an argument with another driver. Approximately 1,500 people are killed, or injured every year from highway road rage.

Some rage may have what at first seems to be more ‘innocent’. I have just finished reading a blog where the author openly admitted to his rage over the fact that an easy-to-use-and-access-the-terminal carpark was under construction. When he arrived to pick his wife up at the airport, he found he had to go further out from the arrivals lounge and take a ferry-bus back. On their return, he couldn't remember which bus to take and exactly where the carpark was. He snorted and carried on at an elderly driver of a taxi, who suggested he 'pipe down' for the sake of his family, standing by in dumb silence, waiting for their ‘real dad’ to replace this angry stranger.

You live in a day of magical so called time-saving devices, yet you are more and more stressed, always short of time and harassed with those 'must do' lists. You drive yourself stupid and everyone around you, then blow up over the most trivial of incidents. So now is the time to take a good long look at yourself and just how you react. To begin with, you need to come to an understanding of what rage is and is not.

While rage is the outermost and intense end-scale of anger, it is not the same as anger. You have a healthy need to be in touch with your anger, so that you can safeguard and protect yourself and stand up against wrongs. Rage however, is a devastating emotion (a reaction to a situation) that makes it very difficult to feel (a sensation, or energy of the body) and reason (intellect) is out of sight.

Rage occurs as a reaction to the threat (real or imagined) of serious danger, leading to either physical, or psychological harm, which throws you in the fight or flight reaction. The exact same adrenaline surge saves the life of a wild animal.

Rage is usually caused by an unexpected incident, which leaves you feeling out of control. It is, however, often the accumulation of anger from past traumas. It engulfs you, causing damage to your health and social life and those around you, even if the bystanders are not involved in the source of your fury.

Most professionals agree a lot of rage has resulted because people have been made to repress a healthy anger, until it becomes an underlying hostility. "You don't have the right to say that"!, or, "That is not the way you should be acting right now"! are not the things to say to try to quieten a person who is blasting away at the top of their lungs.

Just like everybody else, you have all the skills necessary to turn into the screaming, paddy-throwing two year old brat you once were. The difference is, as an adult out of control, you can do a lot of damage, both to yourself and to those you care for the most.

At least one in twenty people suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). This is a belligerent over-reaction to everyday stress and unexpected incidents. It is identifiable by its severity, uncontrollability, frequency and non-negotiability. Recent studies reveal that there are a lot more incidents of IED than most people had thought.

Here are some simple hints that will help you the next time you find yourself tempted to lose the plot:

1. Be responsible for yourself. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, you are responsible in the end, for how you feel and react. You cannot point the finger at others.

2. Face your rage and do not try to deny what you are experiencing. In other words, accept your rage, and recognize it for exactly what it is.

3. Realize that you are the only person who can make a difference to how you are feeling.

4. Do not play the part of victim. That is a sure way to make sure the other side wins.

5. You need to make a conscious effort to get hold of yourself and manage the fury and find a healthy alternative for it.

6. Punch a pillow if you need to get rid of the bottle- up feelings, rather than slam into a person, (even verbally).

7. Put on paper what is bothering you, uncensored.

8. Know you can work your way through your rage, without doing harm to either yourself or anyone else.

9. Give yourself some space so you can come to terms with the ferocity of your own emotions, before you attempt to deal with anyone else. Take time out to step back from the situation and take in a few good deep breaths. The old maxim 'Count to ten..', is an excellent thought.

10. Make sure innocent bystanders are not driven into thinking they are the problem of why you are acting the way you are.

11. Remember at the end of the day, no matter what you have encountered, you live with the consequences of your behavior.

12. Above everything else, take a good hard look at yourself and try to determine if your fits of rage are 'pain in disguise'. If so, admit to the hurt and do something about it, even if it means obtaining professional help. Talk to a trusted friend, or a doctor, if you find yourself acting in an uncontrollable manner.

It takes courage to take an honest look at yourself. The fact you are taking time out to read this shows that you have the kind of courage you will need to deal with rage
About the Author

Rick and Wendy are CEO's of YouMe Support Foundation charity that gives away non repayable high school education grants to children who will never have the opportunity to have a high school education without outside assistance.

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