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 ICE CREAM MAN1995VHS TAPEA PIX RELEASE  US $9.50
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These days, it seems the easiest thing about breaking up is, well, actually breaking up.
It's what comes after that requires the most tact and attention to maintain sanity. But everyone is just so darn inter-connected these days; unless you live under a rock, it's all but impossible to avoid a dreaded encounter with the ex.
Gone are the days of tearing up a phone number and moving on with life, now replaced by compulsive cyber updates, intricate social networks pyramids, and impromptu photo uploads. The internet is a treacherous sea of information overload. And if you've just been dumped, it's man overboard.
So whether you come out on top at the end of the ride or get handed the knock-out blow, make sure you follow this simple guide to staying courteous on the web. If not for your sake or even your exes, at least think of everyone else out there. After months of enduring lame pet name updates and pretentious "couples pix," you owe us.
Facebook is the Fonzie of social networking sites. Love it or hate it, just about everyone respects it's "coolness." To the newly single, however, Facebook is a horrible Greek tragedy. It has an alluring taboo which allows a peek at a former life, a looking glass into the what-could-have-been, with the power to turn any headstrong individual into a compulsive voyeur.
Firstly, think about taking a few days off from Facebook. Go so far as deleting the site from your browser if you can't scratch the itch. If you can't see her profile, you won't be tempted to write anything you might regret. And you certainly won't post that video of you belting out "Nothing Compares 2 U" naked, something that really did seem like a good idea after eight beers.
After a few days when the dust settles, you can finally face your profile. If you and your significant other are "Facebook Official," obviously go "Single." And make sure to change any interests, videos and fan pages only up there to please your former mate. But don't even think about an update involving a quote or song lyric that depicts a state of loneliness or re-birth. So, no lyrics from "My Heart Will Go On," nothing from Gandhi or Lincoln, and especially no self-written poetry. It is pretentious, and will make you look like an oaf.
Flickr
Flickr, of course, is Peter Brady. Cute and edgy at first, but with a crippling potential to run on and turn old fast.
Unfortunately, you will have to un-tag some pictures. Take a deep breath. You have not doomed them to an eternity lost in cyberspace. Some simple detective work will help you locate them in friends' albums if you do indeed one day decide to face them. And you don't need to delete all of them, either. Just the ones that bring you back to a time you hadn't already committed to memory. Anything that's fuzzy deserves to stay fuzzy; pictures convince you that every moment was perfect. But if that were true, it wouldn't be over.
More importantly, please don't bother your friends with overdrawn close-ups of grass or black-and-white portraits with Picasso angles, or anything you find to be "inspiring" after a break up. A shadow of a garden gnome swaying in the wind is not a metaphor for your bittersweet melancholia. It's just a lawn toy.
Twitter is Alf. In desperate need of a distraction, the world turns to a mindless gimmick that we mistakenly believe is a sign of the future.
But if you've just been dumped, it can feel like nails on a chalkboard.
So out of courtesy, make sure all your friends' posts opining about "the breakup" be private. Exes think that everything you do still revolves around them; there's no need fueling the fire by rubbing it in his face.
Finally, wait a couple of days before posting photos of you on John Mayer's tour bus in Maui, ripping tequila shots and posing with two Calvin Klein models. Assume your ex is at home curled up on the couch with a pint of ice cream watching an Everybody Loves Raymond marathon, desperately trying to keep it together. That was you last week, remember?
Hunter Vaughan contributes to dating websites.
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